Daily Rant  Big Rants

The Atrocity of Taco Pizza It's time for another trip into asthma induced psychosis. I'll be your captain for this evening so please put your seats and tray tables into their full and upright position as we prepare to land in the rant zone. Taco Pizza. I do not understand Taco Pizza. I know this probably isn't one of the most daunting questions facing mankind today but dammit when you eat pizza for 10 days straight cause you're about to ship a product and can't find the key for the chain that fastens you to your desk, you begin to wonder about things. Me? I'm a straight up pepperoni man. No side distractions, no toppings "for color" just good ol meat, bread, and cheese. Actually, I find that most meals could consist of meat, bread, and cheese and be just fine, but that's a rant in and off itself. So, back to the culinary Titanic that is Taco Pizza. We're ordering pizza because all of us programmers are pulling an all-nighter to get these features into the program before Beta. 30 minutes later the pizza guy pulls up with boxes of dish-shaped delight. I run grab a Coke and pop open a box waiting for that fresh burst of pepperoni-smelling air and I get....... a face full of lettuce. Let me get this straight. You took a pizza, (which is the food closest to mana from Heaven next to a grilled steak) complete with crust, sauce and cheese and then you put taco toppings on it. The result looks something like the litter box of a vegetarian timber wolf. I mean, come on people, it's a PIZZA. Pizza in Italian means "kickass damn good meal consisting of a circular shaped piece of bread with a tomato sauce on top with cheese and a meat product melted on it". Taco in Mexican means "kickass good meal consisting of a soft tortilla shell wrapped around an inner layer of beef and melted cheese". I know some of you ignorant heathens include some sort of vegetable in your definition of taco but I don't buy your dictionaries so bugger off. Who thought that combining two excellent meals together into one awful aberration of God and nature was a good idea??? COME ON. LOOK AT THE NAME. Taco Pizza LOOK!!!! There's two words in the name. Taco. Pizza. These are two distinct and very wonderful things!! Why combine them? Its like trying to tell someone that the Baked Beans Apple Pie is the next big thing at McDonalds. Pizza: order it from your neighborhood slinger of fine disk shaped delights. It should arrive 30-45 minutes later being carried by a person (man or woman) dressed in a funny uniform. Taco: procure it from your local Mexican restaurant, preferably the one called Taco Johns in a thing called the Six Pack and a Pound. Taco Pizza: you can't get it from your local disk shaped Mexican named Juan who wants to sell you the neighborhood delights dressed in 6 pound uniforms who will love you long time (well, about 30-45 minutes). It doesn't work like that. I would be almost ready to dissolve the National Committee for Velcro Research to fund a world-wide campaign to stop the senseless combination of foods. Top of the hit list? Taco Pizza Carmel Apple Pie flavored soda (like I want to drink apple pie) Taco Salad (don't even get me started) Bacon Cheeseburger Pizza (Sigh... I don't know where to begin) The end is nigh. Duck and cover.